The Sticker Test: How Achieving Nothing Can Be a Gift

Sticker or No Sticker

You are still great

My Sticker Story

I remember my first sticker experiences. In school, placed by my teachers, on the top of my worksheets. The golden star, the happy face, the “great job” with a check-mark. Oh and my favorite - the scented stickers in the shape of dancing fruits. I was instantly hooked. Naturally competitive, I now wanted all the stickers, all the stars, all the rewards, all the praise. What I didn’t know was that I would spend many years of my life making sure nothing would get in the way of me and my stickers. 

Fast-forward a few decades, my son starts pre-school. I notice one night that he’s not himself. A little quieter, a little somber, a little troubled. Somewhere in the middle of the evening madness of dinner, bath, and bedtime it all starts coming out. Tears and sobs. He did not get a sticker in school that day and the other kids proudly did. My former sticker obsession turns into anger and protection, because by now I know what those stickers have cost me and I cannot allow my son to experience the same sticker-seeking, approval-wanting, people-pleasing, achievement-reaching neediness that I’ve experienced for most of my life. 

The Sticker Test

That night I told my son what I’m about to tell you -- The stickers mean nothing. Sticker or no sticker, you’re still great. For you, those stickers might be the advanced degree, the promotion, the net worth, the awards and the recognition, the the the - all of the common markers of professional achievement and success. But what if it was all taken away? What if this success had never even existed for you? What if you were to experience a period right now or in the future where your success stalls? 

What would you think about You then?

This past year had been one of reinvention for me, and in the process had been accompanied unexpectedly by stalled “achievement.” Who, me? Not achieve? I’m confused. My life that was once built on stickers no longer had those same identifiers of success as a new entrepreneur. What did I think about myself then? “I have failed, I’m not good at this, I should give up, I don’t have what it takes.” I had to actively coach myself and work through this pain, until finally I had a breakthrough. I realized that I now had the most magical opportunity to put myself to the sticker test. Can I really and truly accept that I am great without the sticker? Can I still feel worthy and wonderful even when I achieve nothing?

So much of our life is influenced by our culture of achievement - advancing, expanding, creating, innovating, fixing, reaching, doing, re-doing, and doing some more. This is actually a beautiful part of the human experience, because in our ‘doing’ we have the opportunity to use our gifts and impact each other in positive ways. The word achievement is defined as “a thing done successfully, typically by effort, courage, or skill.” Defined in this way, without the external stickers, achievement is no easy feat and we can commend ourselves for the hard work, commitment, discipline, talent, and fortitude that it took to make progress towards our desired outcomes. So we don’t undermine or minimize our achievements, but we can begin to understand their place and position in our lives, which is separate and distinct from our innate worth.  

Who are we without achievement, really?

Achievements represent what we’ve been able to do with our minds, hands, and hearts, but ultimately they do not define who we are or our value and worthiness as humans. As the Dalai Lama famously said, 'We are human beings, not human doings.' 

So who are we without the stickers? How do I personally define myself and each one of us?  

We are each a unique, once in an eternity essence or presence, that cannot be recreated, replaced or destroyed; a beam of energy more powerful than we allow ourselves to understand, worthy of all good always. 

Take that in. Play that back. Read it again. 

Perhaps you’ve never thought of yourself in this way. If not, try it on like a new outfit and see how it feels to you. I had to try on that self-concept too. Which is why for me achieving nothing, even if just temporarily, was such a gift, a reminder that I am still me - full of love, optimism, a generous spirit, worthy of all good always - regardless of the metrics. No matter how much my mind and conditioning had tried to tell me otherwise, I had to make the decision to accept this as a truth. Once I accepted it I felt liberated to show up more fully in my new career, knowing that even if I achieve nothing, I’m still great, sticker-less. 

Have you ever been challenged by the sticker test? Did it make it question your unquestionable worthiness and greatness? I hope you’re able to let any period of stalled success, in any area of life, be a gift for you like it was for me.